


Taking the Silence

by doujinbag



Series: Don't Look At Me With Those Eyes And Tell Me You're Sorry [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: College, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, M/M, Pining, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3601722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/doujinbag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>My beloved was weighed down...</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>Levi's feelings about Eren's feelings for him.<br/>(Levi's POV about the situation in "Rainbow Eyes".)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking the Silence

**Author's Note:**

> if you can't write decent summaries and you know it clap your hands *claps for seven years straight*
> 
> not technically a sequel but basically this is what's been going on in Levi's head during the whole thing  
> (if you haven't read Eren's POV already, here it is: [Rainbow Eyes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3589374))

You should have known from the beginning that it was never going to be anything more.

People with personalities like yours are always problematic. I told myself this again and again and yet, I couldn’t stop talking to you. I didn’t want to. After so many years of searching for a friendship that I could really hold onto, I found that in you, and I wasn’t ready to let go of it over some stupid flaws you had. Everyone has flaws. Lord knows I’m made of them.

When you were gone the summer after your freshman year ended, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was bored, yes, but mostly lonely. I realized that talking to you is what I spent most if not all of my time doing these days. That couldn’t be healthy, I reminded myself, but I tried not to care. (I learned that not-caring thing from you, you know.)

When you let me Skype you while I worked on my bullshit photography project, I would occasionally glance at you and find you playing around with random objects in your room. It was adorable, really, it was. I never told you that because I didn’t find it important.

The night you went out to that party or hangout or whatever the hell it was that you called it with your old friends, I hooked up with Petra. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but at least it was something to do. That night, I went through all the Snapchats you’d sent me and laughed my ass off at half of them. I smiled when I saw your pretty eyes in one picture where it seemed you tried to take a selfie but got your phone ripped from you mid-shot by some girl eating potato chips. I was glad you were having fun.

And then came the confessions. I told you not to get high, and yet there you were, giggling and typing out sentences that I needed a decoder just to read. And then I realized: you were telling me that you liked me. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t really respond at all. I put my phone down after the last confession and curled up on the opposite side of the bed from Petra.

When you kissed me that one drunken night, I tried to blame it on the alcohol, but I couldn’t let it go on. I shoved you away and ignored the hurt look in your eyes. I still didn’t know how I felt about you and I made that clear. I didn’t mean to make you storm out of my apartment the way you did, but it happened anyways.

One day, as I was sitting in my photography class, I lost myself in thought and came to a realization: you had been faking it this whole time. You had merely needed a reason to confess to me, so you pretended to be high. You didn’t want to remember how bad it hurt when I rejected you, so you acted like you didn’t remember the kiss at all. But I knew. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out you were lying about all that bullshit.

When I left my photography class, I waited for you outside the psychology department just like I always did and began walking you back home. It was almost raining. You always said you loved the rain, but I couldn’t understand why. Who could ever love something so dreary? It was merely another detail about you I couldn’t understand and I hated it. I didn’t hate you, no, but I hated how goddamn confusing you always were.

I finally told you that I figured out you were faking the whole “forgetting you got rejected” thing and when you looked at me with those eyes of yours- the left one a sparkling emerald color and the right one resembling something like warm honey- I felt like a dick. I shouldn’t have pointed it out. I should have kept my mouth shut.

“Eren,” I said to you, “please don’t feel bad about it or anything. It’s fine. A crush is a crush.” You didn’t answer me, so I just kept talking. “I think I… might like you too. Maybe. I- yeah.”

You looked up at that, your eyes brightening even more than they naturally were. “What?” you said in a whisper.

“I mean- I still don’t know how everything works. I’m still questioning everything, but… I do like you as more than simply a friend, I know that for sure.”

You smiled for a short while before it suddenly faded and you shook your head. “But you like everyone else too,” you said quietly. I could feel you practically ripping my heart out of my chest with those words. “Don’t. Just… don’t make me feel like everyone else does.” You shook your shoulders a bit and made eye contact with me once more. “Anyways, cool. I’m going to a party at a friend’s on Friday. You should come too, it’ll be fun. I heard like, _everyone’s_ going.”

I shouldn’t have said yes. I should have stayed home and ignored the invitation completely, but I went with you. I hate parties, I always have. I knew they made you anxious and a bit jittery yourself, so why were we even there?

I didn’t bother asking. I never bothered to question you anymore.

Isabel soon came up and started chatting with me, and I lost myself in her voice. Honestly, she was gorgeous. I knew a lot of beautiful, beautiful people that I may or may not have kissed at least once each. I forgot for a while that you were one of these people as well.

Before I knew it, you weren’t by my side anymore. After finishing my conversation with Isabel and giving her a small kiss on the cheek, I went off to go find you. I had something to tell you, something I thought would interest you, but once I actually laid eyes on you, I completely forgot what it was.

You were pressed up against the wall by none other than your ex. I could’ve sworn he was dating that freckled kid by then, but you didn’t seem to care either way as you raked your fingernails down his back and let him shove his tongue down your throat. It was sickening for me to watch; I never really appreciated witnessing PDA especially when it involved someone I knew. I thought I saw you open your eye and glare at me for a second as you kissed him, but I could never be sure. I disappeared from the scene faster than I could process anything that you were doing.

It’s May now and I’m ready to get out of this hellhole of a university. I keep telling you to drop by the little photography shop I’m opening up. I’m not kidding around when I say I need models. Yet for some reason, you keep giving me excuses as to why you can’t.

Yesterday as we sat on my couch and talked amongst ourselves with beers in our hands, you asked me at last if I loved you. I shook my head and said I couldn’t hear you, asking you to repeat what you just said.

“Levi,” you said slowly, “please just give me a straight answer for once. Do you feel the same way about me as I do you?” Your eyes were pleading, begging, bartering with me in order to hear me say yes. I couldn’t lie to you. That wasn’t right.

“No,” I said simply, and I could almost hear your heart shatter into a hundred pieces as I looked at you. “No, Eren, I don’t.”

Now it’s three in the morning and I’m trying to get you to call me back but no matter what, you just won’t talk to me. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m sorry I led you on.

Please, say something. Tell me you hate me, tell me you’re in the middle of fucking Jean, tell me to go jump off a bridge and burn in hell. Say _something_ to me, anything. I can take it.

Just please, please, Eren. I can’t take this silence.

**Author's Note:**

> lmfao what
> 
> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


End file.
